Too “Wasted” to blog!

Just a week ago I was bragging to friends about how I felt we had finally turned the corner in our two-year struggle to get Mirabelle to sleep as normally as possible.  (Obviously as an AP mom I was NOT looking for a “sleep thru the night” infant but by 18 months to two I was hoping to have a girl that had some idea about how to fall asleep and stay asleep for a period of time lasting longer than say 2 hours!  Well, long story short, for a week or more recently she was sleeping truly through the night from 8ish to aprox. 5am and then joining us in our bed for a few more hours of sleep.  This was working out quite nicely!  Then, her her truest form, she changed it up on us once again and she’s back to her regular shenanigans of “hard to get down” and waking up 2-4 times a night.  I know she’s cutting a tooth which would explain the night waking but the getting to sleep part is what is about to drive me INSANE!

Normally my husband will put her to bed at night and they have this whole routine worked out…well, tonight while my husband was out studying for school I had the joy of putting her to bed.  Three hours later and 3 attempts to put what appeared to be a sleeping baby into bed sent me into psychosis!  He just got home and we are now in the 4th hour of trying to get our toddler to bed.  It’s nights like these that I sit and want to cry and wonder to myself “where did we go wrong…am I just the worst mom ever??”.

As I began this journey into the night, I had visions of putting her down for the night and then having a couple hours to myself to blog, clean a couple rooms of the house (I was actually inspired and had the energy to do this which is really rare!!), compare paint samples, etc…  In fact as I was nursing her to sleep I had come up with a great blog entry I wanted to post and I and formulated the entire piece in my head.  I feel like I haven’t had anything of much substance to write lately because I feel so “wasted” and dried up lately but tonight I felt alive.  Well…3 hours of THAT and I can barely remember my home address!!

Even now…the entire time I spent preparing to get in bed to write this post and as I have been typing I have been searching for clues in my subconscious that would help me to remember what I wanted to post on earlier and NOTHING..I remember nothing.  SAD!

Tomorrow is another day.  I just hope we figure out this sleep thing soon because it’s feeling like a slow death at this point for me.  When she was a newborn, infant, even a young toddler…I knew it was all apart of the growing pains of being a new mom and particularly being the type of family we are, but at some point I am going to hit my breaking point.  I can’t imagine spending 3 hours getting her down and tending to a newborn somehow.

AHHHHHHH..I just remembered what I wanted to blog about earlier!!  I am gonna go draft a subject line and blog on it tomorrow.

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Filed under life as a parent, rant

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