Category Archives: life

I moved!

…Figuratively

After a year of spotty blogging here I decided, rather than try and bring this page back from the dead, why not start fresh on a new page all together.  New page, new attitude, NEW BABY!!  That’s right..Baby #2 (Levi Haddon) has arrived and you can hear more about it HERE!

Thanks for stickin’ with me guys!

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Looking back..and changing the future.

The 2009 Goals List

FAIL! 1. Lose weight

  • follow the Weight Watchers plan (which I am currently on) or begin meeting with a nutritionist and follow a personalized plan
  • no more sodas (including diet)
  • exercise- use gym membership, run every day, meet with a trainer for 10 sessions to jump start wellness plan
  • train for my first mini-marathon (to be accomplished first of 2010)
  • eat out only 2 meals a week and cook only fresh, unprocessed foods

60% COMPLETE 2.  Switch to safe, organic household cleaners (all toxic cleaners will be thrown out on New Years day)

IMPLEMENTED BUT GOT LAZY ON THIS ONE! 3.  Create a flexible daily routine for me and my daughter so that I am maximizing on time spent with her while also getting household chores done.

FAIL! 4.  Finish Wedding Scrapbook

FAIL! 5.  Start my Etsy shop

ACCOMPLISHED! 6.  Learn to knit

ACCOMPLISHED! 7.  Get pregnant with baby #2

FAIL! 8.  Take a digital photography course (refresher and so I can better use my Nikon)

and…more to come!

———————————-

So it’s a new year and I have been reflecting a lot on this past year.  Being a natural pessimist, its easy for me to look back on last year and consider it a big fat failure full of disappointments and missed opportunities.  This is very honestly how I began my year-in-review when it hit me what my ONE goal was for this year.  In 2010 I will focus on being positive and content.

I’m tired of finding myself disappointed with life, unsatisfied, and in search of something better, rather than relishing in the blessings that are here and now.  I have spent so much time essentially saying to God, “What you have given me, it’s just not enough; nothing is good in my life.” and yet I wonder why he hasn’t entrusted me with more!  This year I will say, YOU LORD are enough.  My marriage is enough, my family is enough, my body is enough, my home is enough, my gifts are enough, my shortcomings are enough.

While I don’t want to stay stagnant, I do want to grow as an individual, I will not spend anymore time with my head hung because I don’t measure up to “Supermom A and B”.  I will not use them as a measuring stick either!  Rather, I will draw ideas and gain wisdom from others who I admire and become the wife/mom that I NEED TO BE!


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Sick of being sick.

I am finding my body is beginning to repeat some patterns caused by dietary choices that make me sick.  Before I was pregnant with my daughter, I had finally committed to becoming an ovo-lacto vegetarian (though I was planning to drop the dairy and possiably the eggs over the course of  my first year transition).  One month in I found out that I was pregnant and I was talked out of continuing my diteary lifestyle changes during such a time of life as my first pregnancy.  I allowed the fears of nutirional deficiency cloud my better judgement and resumed eating as I have my entire life.

What had prompted me cut out animal protien is that I have struggled for years (and possiably longer) with health problems that I can clearly account to ingesting meat.  I particularly struggle with eating pork and red meat and rarely eat these already.  I actually really enjoy eating chicken and seafood so the sacrifice will truly be for the sake of my health.

Now that I am almost 2 years post-pregnancy and drawing close to the end of nursing I have been noticing over the last 6 months in particular that I am having a hightened intolerance to meats and milk products again.  I would almost venture to say that it is WORSE than I remember it being before!  I know it won’t sound like much, but the month long bent I spent eating as a vegetarian were the best days I have experienced in a decade.  I haven’t felt that healthy, energetic, and clean (I felt clean inside and out-not bogged down like I normally feel) since!

I really think its time for me to start eating vegetarian again but it poses the question..how in the world do I feed my family?  There is no way my husband is going to be able to eat as a vegetarian and my daughter may do well but I am torn whether to adapt her to a vegetarian diet or keep animal protien in her diet.  She has ONLY been introduced to chicken.  There is always the “Vegan till 6” program that some ladies were doing as a result of reading the Mark Bittman book “Food Matters”.  This would mean I would be greatly reducing my current diet dependency on animal protiens and would only ingest meats or dairy, etc.. when we are eating together as a family for dinner.  If this does not create the health changes I am looking for I can always go a more extreem elimination path.

I am just so tired of feeling sick ALL THE TIME!  I am tired of feeling tired.  I am sick of rushing to the restroom with nausea and stomach cramps 30 minutes and beyond after most meals or encounters with dairy laden drinks.  I think my diet also has alot to do with my inability to grow hair (my hair grows crazy slow despite taking vitamins and taking good care of it!).  I can’t sleep even when my daughter IS, which in turn causes me to be too tired to do the things I want to do with her, not to mention, too tired to exercise regularly for weight loss.

It’s definitely time for change..even if it complicates my dinner schedule and gets me funny looks from family and friends!  I am ready to start living again with at least a smidge of the energy and zeal for life I had 10 years ago!

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The Cenacle Retreat

Relax

Today I will be heading up to the north side of town to attend a Catholic run retreat center called The Cenacle.  The word “cenacle” means quite literally “to commune”.  The purpose of their center is for people to come for a period of time for rest, prayer, meditation, fasting, etc..  Some people go there to mourn and heal while others are there to seek the Lord for help in guidance in major life directions.  There are MANY reasons to spend an extended period in meditation and communion with God. Some people go for a day or weekend while others have stayed for extended periods of time.

For me, I am needing rest, restoration, and to seek guidance in getting back on track in where my life should be headed physically and spiritually.  I haven’t felt this spiritually dry in a long time.  Lately I have wondered if I was depressed again which is something I haven’t struggled with since early in college, but I think I am just so spiritually blah and lonely that I am confusing that with feeling depressed.

When I get there today I will get a key to my room.  Its a very small room with a bed, desk, and a sink area and that’s it (very modest- think Sister Act when they take her to her cell but more like a tiny dorm room feel less medieval cell).  Most of my time will be spent outdoors today.  Their grounds are spectacular.  They have walking trails, lots of places to sit and enjoy the surroundings and read, as well as a walking prayer labyrinth.  The first time I visited the retreat center I had never participated in a prayer labyrinth before but I decided to try it and it was a great experience.  I will also meet with a spiritual director early in the morning who will help talk through what it is that I want to focus on during my stay.  They ask a lot of questions to help draw out a more specific prayer focus.  The first time I did this I was very nervous and intimidated and I felt like I rambled for an hour about everything in my life that bothered me!!  The last time I went I felt like I had a more realistic understanding of the role of the spiritual director.

I will also be journaling a few times throughout the day so I will be sharing those on this blog in the coming days.

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a sullen girl..no more

SullenIt wasn’t the first time the thought has crossed my mind but today it hit me like a ton of bricks.  Most of the time I find myself tired, haggard, sulking, sad, and looking only at the short-comings of my life.  Lets face it, no matter how wonderful our lives are or how positive our outlook is we all have experienced disappointment, set aside dreams when reality got in the way, or found ourselves unequipped to do the things we desire.  Too often I find myself believing I am somehow unique in this phenomenon and perhaps at times even feeling cursed to fail and miss out on a regular basis.  But, I am not unique.  Even more revealing to me today was that my perception is the only true problem here!

Sure, it would probably make me blissfully happy if my car floorboards didn’t fill with water when it rains (and I live in Houston- rain is not a stranger to these parts), or if I looked different, if I had a bigger house with more storage space so I could put everything in its place and ACTUALLY be able to access it when I need it, or if I had more friends that I could grow close to beyond the superficial level, and the list goes on.  The truth is, I can sit around and wait and hope for these things to happen (some may come and others not) while continuing to greet each day with a frown and a “Just make it to sundown and do it again tomorrow” attitude, OR I can choose to enjoy life in the moment!

I think some people are really good at this and I am lucky enough to have a couple locals that I can look to as an example.  Tonight I have thought of a few specific traits and action steps for making the most out of my life as it stands.

Each morning I wake up when my daughter wakes me up.  I am NOT a morning person so I know I am probably not a very pleasant start to the day for her.  My mind immediately starts churning thoughts of how sleep-deprived I am and how its not going to be a good day unless we can take a nap together in the early afternoon.  This means I am getting a terrible start and setting myself up to fail each and every day!!  From now on I plan to a.) Wake up each morning and SMILE!, then b.) immediately think of a positive thought (such as: the weather is going to be great today, today is playgroup day, how blessed I am to be greeted each morning by such a beautiful smiling girl), and then lastly c.) I will make arrangements to wake up an hour before my daughter so that I can be fresh and ready to handle her morning rush of energy.

As for my daily activities, I will spend more time enjoying my daughter by playing with her and teaching her.  I will also limit errands to no more than 2 stops in one outing and if an outing runs long, I will follow it up with something fun for her (like a stop at the park or an impromptu art project at home). I will use down times when she is napping or free-playing to do something for me whether that be complete a household task, read, sew, etc.. No more TV running constantly for the mere comfort of noise and companionship.  No more quick looks at the internet often will happen anytime I have a moments time.  The computer has clearly become a stumbling block in my relationship with my daughter.  Often if she is playing and finds me once again staring blankly at my laptop she will burst into tears and walk over to me waving her hands saying “no-no”!  Addicted much?  In addition, I will (try) have a peaceful, orderly home and a smile on my face when my husband comes home from his day.

Lastly, I will stop being obsessively depressed about the people and circumstances of my life that I have absolutely NO control over.  I will stop wondering about the 1,000 other paths my life COULD have taken and if the one I am on is the wrong one.  I will remember and fall in love once again with my calling to be the person that I am (or at least the one that I am supposed to be).  I chose my “hat” and its time to start wearing it…without ceasing!

While there is nothing wrong with having dreams, I think something has gone ary when you begin to live for them alone and cease to live in the present.  This is where I have found myself…a sullen girl.  But I refuse to reside here.

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